


Larxene's Therapy Diary

by BloomingMiracle (Luna264)



Series: Kingdom Hearts Wheelchair AU [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, POV First Person, larxene gets therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24113626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna264/pseuds/BloomingMiracle
Summary: Larxene gets therapy. She's not particularly thrilled about the idea, but as long as she's writing about how she's doing, she only has to go once a month.
Relationships: Demyx & Larxene (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Elrena (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Ephemer (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Even (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Isa (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Lauriam (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Marluxia (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Merlin (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Riku Replica (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Strelitzia (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Vexen (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene & Zexion (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Character(s), Larxene (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Female Character(s), Larxene (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Male Character(s)
Series: Kingdom Hearts Wheelchair AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1469156
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Larxene's Therapy Diary

**Entry I**

Elrena would not  _ shut up _ about me needing therapy. I  _ don’t _ , but I agreed to go just so she’d be quiet for once. Who knew someone who was stuck in bed all the time could be so  _ annoying _ ? You’d think she’d have the brain cell to  _ sleep _ a bit more. Only, Merlin doesn’t shut up  _ either _ . What a pain.

Merlin said I only had to come back once a month if I kept a record of my thoughts or whatever. It doesn’t have to be daily and it means I don’t have to listen to him or Elrena, so obviously I took that option.

The rest of the Organization is still dead, except for the kids. They didn’t die in the first place. Bully for them, it’s not like I care. No one will tell me why I was brought back first. They don’t seem happy about it anyways.

It was probably Elrena’s stupid idea. She probably wanted to get back at me. I bet I was  _ so _ annoying as a voice in her heart.

The little hero’s lookalike is trying to bully him into therapy, too. I tried to get in on the bullying, but he told me to leave off unless I was planning on getting him into Merlin’s hut. Boring.

There are these little almost-Heartless running around. They’re apparently allowed? Weird.

**Entry II**

I spent some time in the lab bothering Not-Vexen and Not-Zexion. I promised not to learn their names until Vexen and Zexion are back, because it annoys them.

They took the machine they used to revive me apart. Apparently they aren’t satisfied with it, because of the state Elrena’s in, so they’re trying again.

Vexen wouldn’t have given a shit. It did what it was supposed to, so it worked.

Not-Vexen responded to  _ that _ by saying Elrena might never get out of bed on her own for all we know, and he was going to say more before Not-Zexion threw a stack of calculations and told him he was going to ‘upset’ me. No the fuck he wasn’t! I don’t fucking get upset!

I saw Elrena again after I was done in the lab. She was sitting up, so obviously Not-Vexen is wrong and dumb and stupid. Elrena’s basically me. I’m tough. Tougher than her, sure, but she’s not a daisy, either.

I left when Strelitzia showed up. I don’t see how Elrena can stand the presence of someone who abandoned her like that.

**Entry III**

They don’t count the years anymore.

Okay, they  _ do _ , but only relatively. There’s no objective starting point now.

How dumb is that? Everyone has different hallmarks. No one is talking about the same thing. Even when they  _ are _ talking about the same thing!

**Entry IV**

A fucking wizard showed up today??? A fucking angry ass wizard who’s been mad for so long his face is just stuck like that??????

He wanted to know what the fuck I was doing, like, existing and shit, which is a good fucking question, but he was a real dick about it. He asked Princess where Elrena was, and also when the witch was gonna get absorbed.

Okay???

Anyways witch-kid isn’t getting absorbed any time soon, according to Princess, because that would be “fucking rude”.

_ Fuck _ everyone else in this place. Princess is the only person I respect now.

The wizard tried to convince everyone that since  _ I _ am the reason Elrena is in this state, she should reabsorb me, which is MEGA dumb for about  _ infinity  _ reasons.

I would have said so, but that was when Isa asked me if I was sick of my uniform yet, which I honestly am, so he and Lea dragged me off to this place called Hot Topic in San Fransokyo.

Anyways, I live in the Hot Topic now. They’ve been trying to get me out of this display for three hours. Apparently, the fact that we are “disturbing the other customers” matters to them for some reason.

Axel would have threatened  _ someone _ with arson by now. Probably me, since that’s who’s being annoying. It’s not like I miss him, because I can’t, no matter  _ what _ Not-Zexion says. It’s just that Lea’s different, as much as he’s trying to fill that gap for Roxas and Xion.

**Entry V**

Unfortunately, “mall security” removed me from the Hot Topic.

Lauriam’s shadow talked to me. I didn’t know the kid could  _ do _ that.

He asked me if I was Marluxia’s friend, like how Elrena is Lauriam’s. I said no. Just because he was the only motherfucker in that shit-ass castle I could stand for three years doesn’t mean we were friends.

The kid said okay, and by the way his name is Xircon and it was nice to meet me. That’s right. Like I’m a fucking delight to be around. Unbelievable.

I ducked down to the lab to get away from him. He’s not any worse than any of the other kids, but somehow I understand him less. Not-Zexion said he’s pretty sure him and Not-Vexen have figured out what the issue with the transfer process is. I finally asked him about Xircon, since I had a name to ask with, and he just shrugged.

Nice to know I’m not the only person here who’s lost on this shit, I guess.

Not-Vexen says they’ll probably be ready to try and bring someone else back soon, but him and Not-Zexion and Princess are still arguing over who to test with. Not-Zexion wants to bring Zexion back, but Not-Vexen wants to wait until they know the process works before they start testing it on the people who can fIX it.

Princess also wants to bring back Zexion, or Axel so she can “kick him in the shins and apologize”. I need to catch up on what happened after I died. This is fucking bullshit.

**Entry VI**

Dyme spent three hours today trying to climb a fountain while it was spewing large amounts of water. He kept getting knocked down when he was half way up! Classic.

After that, Lauriam reminded me that it was time to visit Merlin for my second appointment. I tried to ditch, but him and Terra were having none of it.

It was fucking boring, as expected. I don’t  _ need _ to be there. I’m only doing it so people will shut up about it.

He wanted to talk about how I joined the Organization. Like,  _ come on _ , get with the times! That shit’s  _ over _ now.

Then he asked if there was anything  _ I _ wanted to talk about. As  _ if _ .

I don’t get why this shit’s so interesting to him, anyhow. As if it matters  _ why _ I do things. I just do them! I don’t have to think about it and neither does he.

**Entry VII**

Elrena’s up and about. She’s got a chair, and she still needs Aqua’s help with all the staircases around, but she’s not bedbound anymore.

She made me come with her to the lab to see the next test. Lauriam and Lea were arguing about whose Nobody to bring back, so Ephemer slid past them to be the next test subject.

His Nobody-- Xepherem?-- is fucking  _ weird _ . He plays at emotions even harder than the kids do. He’s acting like he’s  _ concerned _ about Ephemer.

_ First _ of all, we Nobodies can’t feel and  _ everyone _ knows it. He’s not fooling anyone, or at least he  _ shouldn’t _ be.  _ Second _ of all, Ephemer’s only about as bad as Elrena is  _ now _ . That’s nothing worth being concerned about.

Not-Vexen and Not-Zexion have disassembled the machine again. Apparently it’s  _ still _ not good enough somehow. They’re  _ never _ going to be satisfied with this thing.

**Entry VIII**

Xepherem keeps trying to be my ‘friend’. “Nobody solidarity” he says, like that’s some sort of a thing.

**Entry IX**

Dyme tried to climb the fountain again. Does he ever give up?

Terra apparently blacked out and bought the entire stock of a novelty ‘Dad’ store.  _ Literally _ blacked out. He claims he doesn’t remember any of it.

The store doesn’t have a returns policy so he just has all of the stuff now. I didn’t know patterned button-up tees came in so many colors. He keeps trying to pawn them off on other people, but they’re so ugly no one else wants them.

One of the other people here who I do  _ not _ know ‘took a look’ at his heart and declared that nothing was any ‘weirder than it was before’. Terra would not tell me what that meant.

No one else would tell me either. They all told me to ask him, as if I hadn’t thought of that somehow.

I made Lea and Isa take me to another Hot Topic, and Xepherem insisted on coming along. One of the other customers commented on our “sick A.U. cosplays” and Isa muttered something about pretending to know what he was talking about while Lea smiled and nodded and shepherded Xepherem over to the T-Shirt section.

The cashier asked us if we were planning on going to a “comic con” next week. Lea didn’t shut up for the next ten minutes, managing to say absolutely nothing of substance the entire time. I tuned him out in favor of trying to palm some of the buttons at the counter, but Isa kept putting them back so all I got out of it was the amusement value.

**Entry X**

I went to my third session with Merlin. He’s still trying to get me to talk about shit! How annoying. I thought these people were supposed to be  _ considerate _ . Maybe I don’t  _ want _ to talk about it! Ever considered  _ that _ , old man?

Probably not.

These people  _ always _ want to talk about shit.

Elrena and Lauriam are planning to drag some of the others into reconstructing Daybreak Town, but that’s going to have to wait because they won’t have enough ready by winter. They might check out the area soon, though. Get a sense of the modern geography of it all or something. I dunno, though. Doesn’t seem worth it to me. It’s not like I have any fond memories of the place.

I don’t like the cold very much.

**Entry XI**

It snowed today. Something about the snow itches in my mind, so I messed it all up so it wasn’t shiny anymore.

The kids had field day. Some of the folks in town taught them to throw it at each other, and also anyone else who came near them. A lot of the others ended up joining them.

Not-Lexaeus even managed to drag Not-Vexen out of the lab for half an hour. He stacked some snow and stuck stuff on it before heading inside, much to the amusement of most everyone else.

Elrena said it’s called a snowman. I guess Not-Vexen isn’t as different from Vexen as I thought he was.

**Entry XII**

Hey, that’s my number!

They brought Axel back today. The kids were over the fucking moon. I suppose we’re in for a bit more arson in the future.

Kairi kicked him in the shins and said “I’m sorry Vanitas killed you, he won’t do it again”. Axel nodded and said that was probably fair.

He was the first person besides me to ask why I came back first. At least, the first person  _ I _ heard. No one answered  _ him _ either. I thought these people were supposed to be the nice ones!

Lea’s fucked up now. Whatever modifications Not-Vexen and Not-Zexion made to the machine this go around seem to have reversed most of the progress they made before. He was brought up to his room as soon as they felt comfortable having him moved.

I guess that means no Hot Topic visits anytime soon. How boring!

A few hours later, Axel came and asked me how I was doing. He did that back in the Organization sometimes, like he thought he could fool the rest of us into thinking he cared. We’re not all amnesiatic murder children.

I told him I was fine.

He started going on and  _ on _ about being worried about Lea. Bitch? No you’re not. Quit kidding yourself.

I tried to ditch him by going back to the lab, but he followed me. Not-Vexen kept talking about Elrena’s and Ephemer’s and Lea’s “conditions”. He didn’t even stop when Not-Zexion threatened to kick him out of the lab for a week. I didn’t know he could  _ do _ that.

Axel threatened to light him on fire. That got him to shut up  _ really _ quick. There’s a reason we kept Axel around!

Not-Zexion started trying to get Axel to schedule a therapy appointment. Like, instantly. These people are so single minded sometimes that it makes me wanna puke!

**Entry XIII**

Elrena gave me some clay, since apparently I was “so fascinated” by Not-Vexen’s snowman. What the fuck do I do with this??

**Entry XIV**

The trees are changing color. It was never important that they did that before.

Lauriam said it would be “healthy” for me to spend some “quality time” with the kids. He shooed me into a chair and shoved a tea mug into my hands and I had to watch Xircon and witch-kid draw for, like, an hour.

The other kids drifted in and out. I say “drifted” like Roxas wasn’t trying as hard as physically possible to get enough distance between himself and anyone with a brain cell to have time to do stunts.

I ended up distracting most of them by leveraging my “recovery” and pretending to be interested in drawing. Tricking five people into thinking you don’t know how to hold a pencil and having them all try to explain it to you at once is… an experience. Roxas and the hero lookalike did stunts in the background until Ventus noticed.

Ventus is weird. I don’t remember knowing him, but I remember that I  _ did _ remember knowing him, back when Elrena’s memories were hanging out free range in my body and I could dip into them without noticing.

For some reason, even though  _ she’s _ the one that knows him, I haven’t heard anything about him hanging out with her. He seemed fine hanging out with me, though? Maybe it just hasn’t come up.

Anyways Ventus saw the stunts and ruined my distraction. All that work, down the drain. He tried to get  _ everyone _ in on the whole “drawing” thing, but I was getting bored of sitting around so I left.

**Entry XV**

Marluxia’s back, and Xircon’s glued to him even more than he was to Lauriam.

Lauriam’s asleep, but Not-Vexen says he seems fine otherwise. Apparently, we won’t know for sure how he is until he wakes up.  _ Boring. _

Marluxia told me it was good to see me, and caught me up on…  _ most _ of what happened after I died. The idea of Demyx doing anything he didn’t have to was a lot to swallow. Also the whole, uh… Xigbar thing. That’s weird.

**Entry XVI**

Merlin asked me how I ‘felt’ about Marluxia’s return. I reminded him that I don’t feel things.

He considered that for a few moments, and asked me what I  _ thought _ of it. Just like that, with the emphasis and everything. That’s none of his business.

Lauriam’s awake. He’s still tired, but other than that he’s just like he was before. He insisted on having  _ proper introductions _ with Marluxia.

Marluxia went along with it.

If Lauriam’s rested up by the end of the week, Not-Vexen’s going to bring “almost” everyone back. That’ll be a mess! I can’t wait!!

**Entry XVII**

Theoretically, if Lauriam does less, he’ll be not tired sooner, right? I want to speed the process along so I can watch the absolute  _ shitshow _ this is going to be. I hope they bring back Saix first. He’ll  _ hate _ this.

So, keeping that in mind, I went to check if he needed anything. Better someone else does it so Saix glows and kool aid mans a wall or something ASAP.

Lauriam was crying. Like, absolutely broken down. Inconsolable. I know that last part because Elrena and Strelitzia were trying.

I tried to back out when they saw me, but they motioned me over. I shorted out the lights in the room and left. I didn’t even think about it. I still got my combat instincts, it seems. No one’s catching  _ this _ bitch flat footed.

**Entry XVIII**

Not-Zexion’s talking about moving some of us out into town, so everyone has a bit more space to themselves. The castle’s big enough, but most of the space isn’t really personal. I can see the appeal.

The issue is that most of the buildings in town that are in any state to be lived in are already full. It’ll take a bit more restoration, and all that for another situation that’ll probably be temporary, once Daybreak Town’s back.

Still, the town here will probably be in a state sooner than  _ that _ dusty shithole.

**Entry XIX**

Lauriam was at lunch today. Not-Vexen’s going to set up a schedule for the whole ‘revival’ deal that’ll span most of a week. Theoretically, the first people to get their Nobodies out will be mostly recovered by the time the last people are done. Him and Not-Zexion are arguing about which of them is going near the start and which of them is going near the end. It’s all nerd stuff.

Weirdly enough, Terra’s trying to get involved in that. No one will explain this to me, but I guess Terra had a Nobody, too.

Was his Nobody a father? Did his Nobody fuck?? Is that what the deal with the ‘dad’ merch is??? The world is an ever expanding mystery.

**Entry XX**

I found Ventus on the roof. I was just trying to see if there was anything to do up there, and he was sitting up there with a broom.

I asked him about the broom and he said it wasn’t important.

Then he asked if he could talk to me about something, and if I could keep it to myself. I told him he obviously hasn’t met me, but to go ahead.

He laughed, and said that was kind of the point. He started talking about how weird it was for him, that so many people knew him and he didn’t remember any of them.

He said that, honestly, it kinda freaked him out.

I guess that’s why he hasn’t been hanging out with Elrena. I don’t get why he’d talk about this with  _ me _ of all people, since we basically don’t know each other and I am an absolute snitch, but he seemed calmer after saying it.

Then again, I don’t know who I’d even tell about this. Merlin? I’ll tell Merlin.

Some dude with three wings showed up and Ventus hit him with the broom until he left. Apparently the guy is named Sephiroth, and he’s not allowed on the roof. I haven’t seen him before, which I imagine is the reason.

**Entry XXI**

Merlin did not want to hear about Ventus’ issues. Not from me, anyways. He told me to get Ven to schedule an appointment. Then he tried to get me to talk about Strelitzia???? Fuck no.

The schedule is almost done. I have no idea what it is yet.

Elrena can walk short distances again. Ephemer, too, but fuck him. She’s excited to see what happens when everyone comes back. Apparently, I’m not the only person looking forward to the shitshow.

Hanging out with Marluxia’s a little weird now, on account of him having a new whole son who looks a little bit like Sephiroth Who’s Not Allowed On The Roof. Also, I asked why Xircon looked like Sephiroth and was rewarded by learning I was the first person to notice. I’m pretty sure Marluxia and Not-Vexen are still arguing over whether it’s a coincidence, but I’m not sure which of them is arguing which option. They might just be arguing to argue, which I might try and get in on.

**Entry XXII**

TERRA’S NOBODY WAS WHO?????????

**Entry XXIII**

XEMNAS WAS  _ WHAT _ BECAUSE OF  _ HOW _ ?????????????

**Entry XXIV**

Zexion and Princess have been apologizing to each other nonstop for two days and I think I’m going to throw one of them at something if it continues for much longer.

Of course, leaving the lab to avoid them would risk encountering  _ Dawn _ , the Nobody equivalent of a lab retriever, so I have to deal with this. Figures.

Demyx isn’t coming back until tomorrow, so apparently Dyme is trying to climb the fountain again while he can. Xaldin asked if anyone was supposed to do anything about that, and Not-Vexen said he’ll figure it out when he gets himself hurt.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised about, you know, Dawn. I mean, it’s not unreasonable that there would be higher Nobodies that weren’t in the Organization, and Ienzo says that Xigbar was apparently keeping her around as a back-up, although that raises more questions. It’s still weird, though. Like, I  _ got _ Xepherem. He was in the Organization  _ before _ Lulu and I. Simple stuff. But Dawn? She was not there. She was not there at  _ all, _ PLUS she’s apparently the reason Lea and Isa even gave up their hearts for Axel and Saix to EXIST in the first place. And this all happened because?? She’s nice???? Makes the head spin

**Entry XXV**

Demyx fell asleep in the fountain Dyme keeps trying to climb. Apparently, if we don’t think about it, Nobodies can breathe underwater. I guess it makes sense that Demyx would be the first to figure  _ that _ out.

Saix is back, and not nearly as pissed as I was expecting. He also immediately enrolled in therapy, which was apparently the catalyst most of the others who hadn’t done so already needed to also sign up for therapy.

Hero boy is still not in therapy, because apparently it is a limited resource and he thinks other people might need it more than he does.

In related news, I have discovered that the narcissist/asshole spectrum is actually a triangle instead of a line, and the third point is ‘doormat’.

I asked Saix about the whole therapy thing, and he said that he had ‘trouble expressing his emotions in a constructive manner’, which is a whole lot to unpack in the concept of the whole, you know, Nobody thing.

For one thing, as we all  _ know _ , Nobodies don’t feel emotions. Why would Elrena have given up her heart if we did? Everyone’s saying that’s a lie now, but I don’t see it. Elrena’s  _ basically _ me, and I’m not  _ that _ gullible. She wouldn’t have done something like that for nothing.

**Entry XXVI**

I think I owe Strelitzia an apology

**Entry XXVII**

Someone could have told me about Caudaxta earlier. I know that before I came back and saw Strelitzia here, I’d thought she was dead.  _ Elrena _ had thought she was dead. Elrena had basically  _ seen her die _ , but she was here and not even, like, reincarnated, and everyone was acting like that was fine? What was I supposed to think??

I thought she’d pulled a really shitty joke on the people who loved her. I wasn’t one of them-- I didn’t  _ exist _ when that happened-- but I spent  _ a thousand years _ remembering how Elrena felt about seeing that, about her being gone.

I spent a thousand years remembering that, at one point in her life, Elrena loved Strelitzia more than she’d loved anyone else in the whole world, and then Strelitzia was gone.

I spent three and a half years watching Marluxia prioritize keeping Lauriam’s memories from slipping away over his loyalty to the people who would easily kill him for his disobedience.

And then she was back, and it was like none of that mattered.

Someone could have told me it wasn’t her fault.

Someone could have told me.

**Entry XXVIII**

Ventus is of the opinion that I had “a breakdown”, which is  _ not _ something I do, so I don’t see where he got that impression. He thought I should go see Merlin right away, instead of waiting for my session, but I’m fine. I don’t need to do that.

He asked me if I wanted to talk to Marluxia about “‘whatever it was, then” but I don’t need to do that, either. I just wanted to be alone, so I told Ventus to go away.

He did, but as he was leaving he said he’d listen to anything I wanted to tell him, because he “owed” me for that time on the roof.

**Entry XXIX**

I used the clay Elrena got me to make a ‘snowman’ for the lab. It was the only thing that came to mind, and I didn’t want to keep it.

Ienzo said it was “very nice”. I’m not sure he has any standards. He  _ is _ trying to figure out reliable lighting for the castle here, because it gets dark at night. He’s thinking about trying electricity, the best method in any situation.

Lexaeus is back now, too. He seems… at peace, I guess. It’s weird.

The only Nobodies left to bring back are apparently Vexen, Luxord, and  _ maybe _ Xemnas. There’s still a debate going on there, because apparently bringing Xemnas back risks bringing back someone else who we  _ definitely _ don’t want to deal with, and also apparently  _ that _ is the primary concern. Apparently Xemnas is cool now.

Well, I guess that’s not the weirdest thing that’s happened in my life. Xemnas can be cool now, since apparently everything ever was Xigbar’s fault.

Merlin says Ventus told him about my “breakdown”.  _ I _ told him Ventus was a little snitch, to which he pointed out that I had  _ also _ attempted to do basically the same thing. Merlin said he just wanted to know what it was about, for reference, and then we don’t have to talk about it ever again. I think he expects me to bring it up again on my own eventually, but  _ that _ ain’t happening.

I asked him if there were any other higher Nobodies that I still didn’t know about, which is how I know who’s left and what the debate about Xemnas is. He also told me about Yozora, who lives in another reality and fucks around with robots. There’s always got to be  _ someone, _ I guess.

I said it would have been nice to have been in the loop about Yozora, or to know about Caudaxta before she came back, and Merlin asked me who in the castle  _ I _ could ask to keep me informed on any other developments.

I don’t know.

Merlin said that that was something to think about, and said we could be done early today. I think that means I did good today? That’s new.

**Entry XXX**

Not-Vexen says he doesn’t want to go into the machine and bring Vexen back until Luxord’s back, even though Zexion and Ienzo could absolutely run it themselves and will have to do so for him, anyways.

The only problem is that apparently Ludor has been running around with Yozora in his  _ other reality he lives in with the robots _ and it’s difficult to get in contact with them. Riku took like seventeen naps yesterday, because apparently that’s “a possibility” for calling them, but I’m pretty sure he’s just sick of our bullshit because that’s not how it works for anyone else. Not even witch-kid and Princess, who are psychic or something.

There’s a lady here today named Astrid, who is apparently more psychic than those two, who wants to try and contact them with  _ her _ psychic powers, only she needs Riku to help her “direct” the whole thing and he’s still taking naps.

I went up to the roof and found that Sephiroth guy up there again. I did not have a broom, so I couldn’t hit him with one to make him leave, and considering Ventus has a keyblade I’m pretty sure they use the broom because Sephiroth is allergic to it or something.

As soon as he figured I wasn’t going to chase him off, he was willing to talk, which was weird. I’m pretty sure he’s not wearing real sleeves. Just gloves, pretending. Maybe he’s allergic to sleeves, too.

The duck came out with a broom to chase Sephiroth off pretty quickly, though. He asked why  _ I _ didn’t chase the guy off. I pointed out that I didn’t have a broom, which seemed to be a fair point.

I wonder if the duck can fly. I’ll have to check next time I see him.

**Entry XXXI**

The duck cannot fly.

**Entry XXXII**

I saw Yozora today. He was asleep, because apparently he comes here to do that because of how our realities match up or something. It’s weird.

Riku said he’s going to try and get him to send Ludor over. He says it shouldn’t be too hard, because Yozora was “closer” with Luxord.

Are any of the adult men I know  _ not _ fathers or uncles at this point? I don’t think Demyx has a kid. He’d better not. This is getting ridiculous.

**Entry XXXIII**

Ludor is here and he’s not convinced that the Organization wasn’t entirely composed of Roxas’ parents, which is honestly dumb. I am  _ not _ a mother. I am a  _ problem. _

Xepherem pointed out that  _ he’d _ been in the Organization and was not a parent to Roxas, and he and Ludor got into an argument for ten minutes until Not-Vexen cut in and told Ludor to get in the machine and yeet Luxord into a new body.

Anyways Luxord also disagrees with Ludor so he’s just wrong

**Entry XXXIV**

Vexen’s back, so now we just have to decide what to do with Xemnas. Terra came back with more dad merch today so we’re going to have to figure this out reasonably quickly if we don’t want to drown in ugly sandals or something

**Entry XXXV**

The angry wizard is back and he’s angrier than ever. He demanded to speak with Even, like having a stern word with the guy would change anything at this point.

None of the others were really sure how to handle the situation, so I (obviously) had to step in. I said I’d take him to see Even if he could figure out how to keep Sephiroth off our roof for good.

“Who’s Sephiroth,” he said.

“Some guy who hangs out on our roof for some reason,” I said.

He waved his hands a bit and shot some sort of spell at the roof, and demanded I take him to see Even. I told him that we had no proof that whatever he just did would keep Sephiroth off the roof, because it’s not like he’s there  _ all the time _ anyways, so he’d have to wait.

Riku said he would like it if the rest of us could still use the roof. This angry wizard got all pissy about  _ that, _ like it was an unreasonable request to want to use our own roof.

Ienzo told him that he’d better start behaving himself, or else he’d be banned from the premises like ‘Ansem the Wise’ is. I don’t know who that is but he sounds like a narcissist. Whose idea was it to call him that?

Anyways after that he left

**Entry XXXVI**

Ventus is trying to get me in on a scheme to get hero boy in therapy. I get he’s got issues but if he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go. Merlin hasn’t done  _ shit _ for  _ me. _ Still, Ventus is concerned, so he’s trying.

**Entry XXXVII**

I knew they looked similar, but no one told me that Ventus and Roxas had access to the same facial expressions. Ven had the audacity to pull the big eyes + sniffle combo on me to trick me into feeling bad! How  _ dare _ he.

I have to get him to stop.

The easiest way to do that is for him to get what he wants, but that’d only encourage him. I could try and discourage hero boy from going to therapy, but doing that would probably cause me more problems in the long run,  _ especially _ if Princess found out. She’d probably kill me again.

**Entry XXXVIII**

**Entry XXXIX**

**Entry XL**

**Entry XLI**

Merlin is concerned that I am experiencing “unhealthy levels of emotional repression manifesting in unpredictable episodes of self destructive thought patterns and behavior,” which is certainly a lot of words, huh?

I don’t really get where he’s coming from. I’m a  _ Nobody, _ I don’t have anything to repress. Besides, I’m not “self destructive”. I’ve made several choices with the explicit intention of not

**Entry XLII**

**Entry XLIII**

The roof is officially inaccessible. I’ve played myself

Ventus reminded me that he’s “available” if I “want to talk” and I think if this keeps up I’m going to commit crimes again.

**Entry XLIV**

I think I’m forgetting how words work. Trying to write in this thing makes my head hurt

**Entry XLV**

How long has it been since I woke up here? How long have I had to look at these people?

**Entry XLVI**

When did the air here get so thin? It’s almost impossible to breathe, and I think if Nobodies weren’t so durable I’d have

**Entry XLVI**

**Entry XLVIII**

**Entry XLIX**

One of those little almost-Heartless nosed its way under my head today, like it comes packaged with some sort of pillow instinct. A little after it did that, Marluxia, Xircon, and Ven came and found me.

Xircon asked why I was lying on the floor, because he is nosy.

Marluxia said a lot, too. I don’t remember what most of it was, but I sat up afterwards.

**Entry L**

The almost-Heartless are called Unversed

**Entry LI**

Marluxia and some of the others from the Organization have apparently been trying to “work through” what’s been going on as a group. I figured I’d see what they were up to.

Mostly today seemed to be complaining about Xigbar, which I can get behind.  _ Fuck _ that guy, honestly.

Terra’s convinced the science squad to get Xemnas his own body. There are some preparations they want to do first, but they’ll do it. I’m not sure what to think of that, but I guess I can’t blame Terra for wanting a quiet head and no one spending his money on dumbass shit.

**Entry LII**

Dyme made it to the top of the fountain today. I found him singing up there, with Demyx walking around the edges of the water singing backup. Something about the rain.

**Entry LIII**

I’m in a bad way, maybe. At the very least, everyone else seems to be in a better one. I’m…  _ Lauriam’s _ doing better than I am, and he’s spending a few hours every other day crying his ass off.

I guess the word is sobering. It’s sobering to realize that I’m doing this badly.

I’ve been trying not to think too hard about my death. I  _ felt _ then. I didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Looking back at it, though, and at everything else… I’ve been feeling this whole time, huh? I didn’t want to be. I didn’t acknowledge it.

Elrena climbed a flight of stairs today. She’s recovering.

We’re similar. That means I can recover, too, right? Even if these are different things. I have to try, at least. I’ve got these feelings whether I like them or not. I’d rather they be better than this.

I’d rather feel better than this.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently Disney's doing a thing where it's in their terms of service they own your shit now. I haven't signed anything and I will continue to not sign anything and since my shit is gay as fuck and has swear words in they're probably not gonna touch it with a ten foot pole but I'm still. Displeased
> 
> Anyways, fic stuff! Larxene's still in recovery after this fic (obv) I just felt like her actually committing to try was a good place to stop. I was NOT expecting her sort of friendship with Ventus it just. happened. presumably because he is a good good boy. I'd talk about more stuff but I'm In Pain® rn and my brain is wildin


End file.
